If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
