I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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