I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
