what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
