Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
