oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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