Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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