i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
