i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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