Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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