I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
