this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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