Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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