when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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