Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
