this beer tastes like vomit already
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
