We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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