make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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