I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
