So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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