I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
