So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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