I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
