She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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