I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
