He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
