How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
