he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
