Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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