**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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