the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
