I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
