I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
