okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
