I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize