so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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