I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize