they need to just BURY HIM!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
