i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
