I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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