I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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