I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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