Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
