No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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