I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
