just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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