I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Boobs are out for the taking
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize