If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
