I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
