just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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