I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
