She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
