I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
