Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
