For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
