You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
