Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
