he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Randomize
