We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
