happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
