these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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