i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
