Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
