i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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