I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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