she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
farters have to be the big spoon...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
