I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
