laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
